Good ways to not pick up women:

I am absolutely incapable of meeting guys at bars. I honestly have no idea how people do it. Sometimes I think it's my own fault, but then there are the times when I make an attempt and it turns out so awkward and terrible that I cannot help but get turned off to the concept.

Take last weekend for example; I'm waiting for a drink at Maryland House, and the guy next to me strikes up a conversation, I don't remember about what, but we managed to go back and forth successfully, the conversation expanded, found out we had some things in common, etc., etc. So 10 minutes later I'm still talking to this person, and he says "So where were you before coming here?"
I say, "I was at the Chuck Berry concert."
He says "Oh really? I just saw him play at Blueberry Hill last night."
I say "Oh cool, I heard that show was great."
He says "Oh...you don't get my sense of humor." (Chuck Berry really had played at Blueberry Hill the night before- where was the joke?)
I say "Um...sorry, I didn't know you were kidding."
He says "Yeah...you ever been to the Duck Room?" (the name of the place where people play at Blueberry Hill)
I say "No, I've never been."
He then turns to his friend and goes "Dude, this girl just does not think I'm funny." His friend laughs...
I say "Sorry...was that a joke?"
He says "You just don't get my sense of humor..."
I say "I guess not..." and walk away puzzled. Then I noticed he had a sweater tied around his waist.

Last night's experience was particularly lovely: I'm at the Dubliner on Washington Ave., and this guy comes up to me and says "I like your feather thing," (I was wearing a headband with peacock feathers on it- not as ridiculous as it sounds, I promise) "are those real feathers?"
I say "no, I don't think so."
He says "Oh. You're really pretty."
I laugh, of course, because who actually says that?
And say "thanks."
He says "I'm Chris, by the way." We shake hands, and he notices my hands are empty, and says "You need a drink. Can I buy you a beer?"
I say, "No thanks, my friend and I were just about to leave, actually." Which was the truth.
He says "Come on, just one beer. What's your favorite beer?"
I say, "Really, thank you, but we're leaving and I don't even want a beer, I've had more than enough tonight."
He says "Oh come on, don't be gay!"

Yes he did.

I say "Did you just call me gay?!"
He says "Well, I don't mean like into chicks or anything, I just meant gay like dumb."

Uh huh. It was probably pretty "dumb" of me to walk away, laughing, at that point. Chris could have been the one.