Wine is made from grapes. End of story.

Much to my delight, my assignment this week for the newspaper was to go on several winery tours & tastings, three of four or my choice, and to do a write-up about each one.
I slated in two for Tuesday and one for Wednesday, as trying to do three in one day might jeopardize the experience of number three due to my potential drunkenness.
I started out at Stone's Throw, located in Egg Harbor. I've had Stone's Throw wine, specifically their 85/15 and 50/50 at some local restaurants and I really enjoyed both. As far as labels and packaging, it seems to me that Stone's Throw, compared to other local wines, takes a more sophisticated approach.
The building was modern, classy, and the wine bar inside was right in line with that appeal. It was $5 for a six glass tasting, and I got to keep my glass at the end of it. The bar was packed but I shoved through and lamely explained to the bartender that "I'm doing a story on wineries for the Pulse, and I'd like to do a tasting of the wines you're known for."
The bartender didn't really seem to care that I was with the newspaper, and I didn't care that the bartender didn't care. Too often people that I interview or ask questions of get all nervous and jumpy when I tell them I'm with the newspaper. But let's face it, the Pulse is not exactly the Times.
The rugged, mahogany bar was very crowded. Some people looked like they knew what they were doing, some just had no clue. The couple to my left looked like maybe it was their first date and they were just not hitting it off. Obviously hoping alcohol would help them "loosen up," they each did two rounds of tasting.
So I stood alone, of course, sandwiched in between the bored couple and a family of five.
The bartender selected six of their most popular bottles for me to try, starting off white of course, and moving to reds. Their Riesling, one of their most popular, was actually very good and I usually do not like white wines. The Cabernet Sauvignon, Sonoma 2005, was excellent, as was the 85/15, a blend of 85% Zinfandel, 15% Tempranillo. My favorite was the Big Mouth Red, well balanced and peppery, and only $18 for a bottle. Friends expect presents!
After my six glasses, a little bit tipsy, I decided to walk to a nearby cafe for a cup of coffee before winery number 2. Awakening my senses was a dumb move as I should have been dulling them, preparing for an assault.
The Door Peninsula Winery, located in Sturgeon Bay, gives free tours all day, every half hour. Free is rarely a good thing.
The winery store was cute, kind of kitschy, but still somewhat tasteful. I waited by the front with other prospective tourists. Our tour guide greeted us begrudgingly and took us into a smaller room where he told us the history of the building...very slowly. He spoke as if reading, with the aptitude of a first grader, from a script.
Five minutes later we were ushered into the very cold basement/wine-cellar, though there was no wine in sight. Sitting in uncomfortable folding chairs we were forced to watch a DVD about the winery. The film was narrated by a talking cartoon cherry. The cherry told us all about the wonderful fruit wines made at the Door Peninsula Winery. Cherry wines, raspberry, blackberry, strawberry and more. Shock and horror pervaded my body. I was coming off of my buzz from Stone's Throw, and the only relief in sight was via fruit wine (is there anything worse?)... oh the horror.
Our squat, unhappy tour man took us through the processing rooms (which were interesting) at lightening speed, and before I knew it we were at the bar for tasting. It was like a bad dream; all the people around me seemed to have no problem ordering "Sweet Plum," or "Chocolate Cherry," and what's worse, they seemed to be enjoying it!
I couldn't even bring myself to look at the list so I explained my plight once again to this bartender and asked her to bring me some of their most popular wines.
"Ok!" She chirped. "This is our number one; its a blend, called Sunset Splash." It tasted like super sugary white grape juice laced with Strawberries and not a hint of alcohol. As I choked it down I heard the woman next to me proclaim "Oh I just love the Sunset Splash!!!"
Next, I was brought "Razzle Dazzle Raspberry," followed by "Cranbernet."
How do they expect to be taken seriously with names like that?! Everywhere I looked I imagined the stupid cartoon cherry bouncing around asking patrons how they liked their juicy-juice.
The bartender offered me a glass of "Panacea Peach," but I had had enough. I left, terribly sober and slightly offended.

The moral of this story is that wine should be made from grapes and grapes only.